I'am counting to the end of 2009.Everything's changing just in a glimpse. I barely can feel every moment of the day that I went through. Yes, it's still November..not yet December but the warm of having the year end up is really burning. However, there are some things that I really need myself to change before the tumour growing up fast. My heart just bawling inside. I can't feel anything rather than sumptous lust cuddling me discreetly. Astaghfirullahalazim, now I rmember where my God is. All this while, I was so susceptible with the whole crank thinking that 'world is just awesome'. Yes it is. No doubt. World was stood up under beautiful melancholic rhapsody. How its keep you tranquilize and soothing you with its gracefulness. I keep follow its ass rather than step on its head. That what should I do but things went to the other way. Every single stupid plus moron thing that I had done doesn't paid off. I just see the more-to-dead-end result just right after these whole crap. What I feel right now? Clueless, ineffeble and stray to the side. I bet no one ever understand of what my heart whine about. Sometimes I just see my face in the mirror with such delirium awkward geek and sometimes I saw in the mirror a stupid ghetto name keep his lips mumble with unorganize hairstyle and walk to the restroom. Again, I used to have this kind of disorder (secret),perhaps..and its reborn and I can feel how the pain killing me. Now stop nagging, no more self-hateness and no more cursing words. I feel like I need some changes. A total massive changing agent to fly away all these messes. I really want to re-sorting all the debrisess around and start something with new embark.Yes, Mika's right..."baby I hate days like this", yeah, I really hate thing that I do and the result...isn't what I'm always hoping for. So, let's change!!!!!!