2009 would never end......

I was pretty certain that I had committed something that I always to get myself away from. Live doesn't seem so much fun if problems stay at the back which sometimes chasing us and we have to keep our feet to step faster than we ever think so. I don't know what to say more about 2009. Happiness, anguish, mad, schizophrenia? *sigh*, I had such a pretty tough year ever and it was really beyond my expectation. I don't sure how to say this. First, abah fell sick. He eat nothing for the whole 7 months but mere milk for those who can't normally do oral eating. I just only can see him in pain and do nothing except pray and pray, ask Him to heal him ASAP!! o, Allah, forgive me when I whine. Yeah , really, I mean it, you will know what was I feel one day, everybody for sure will have to face the same reality, they just have to wait the turn, queue up and grab the tickets. Life..life..the more you grow, the more harder life would be.



In one morning, I was got shocked by a sound (a sudden shout from my dad's room) , my brother sudden shout really made me sprinted to my dad's room, it was just utterly chaos as I saw my dad was dying before my naked eye!!! his sudden heart attack really out of sane!!! we took him over to hospital and starting from that day, he stayed in a deep sleep (coma), we really felt bewildered and it was like a horrifying nightmare that you would never expect to have one and hopefully I will wake up and realise that my abah will stay by my side.. On the first day of Ramadhan, my whole family's heart crush, crumple and break into pieces as my abah breath for the last time. Everyone huddled around him, watch him breath and unbreath while gaze at the heart beat indicator machine, as the number of heart rate getting down, that was the time our tears drop, emblazoning the murky evening of 22 August 2009, I gave my everything to Allah. I said to Him, if you want to take him away by your side, it's your pleasure o god! I know, your love to him much better compared to us. I just can only keep my fingers cross and pray the best for abah and give everything for Allah to handle the situation. That's the anguish that always stuck inside my heart 'till today and would never released forever as if attached inside. For me, what happened, just leaved and do something that can help the past to be much better. I always ask myself to be positive and positive wherever I step, whenever i'am. 2010 would be much better and still, never be the same without my beloved Abah.

13 comments:

miEmiE said...

im sad for u, just be strong, okay??

Hakim Hakemo's said...

hey shai!
we all have to face the death someday. just don't yet knows when it possibly appears to face us.
be strong okay.
don't let the past holding your back.
and i'm really, really sorry to hear the word from you.
May god bless you late father and yours too.
:/

Shairazi Saidin said...

Mimie: nah, strong is not really a tough world...c'mon be MASSIVE...yeah, i'm strongeeerrr!!!
lol...btw, thanks mimie!!

akim: there we are, the macho akim comes to 'there, there' me, thanks Hincik Hakim Hakemos, nice to meet you all the way inside the cyber world...those too close to make me sobb..sobb...GOD BLESS YOU TOO!!!

AkU said...

hope all the item in ur wishlist gonna b reality..erk~~

Shairazi Saidin said...

much of gracias "aku"..lol! hehehe...

AkU said...

My pleasure~~..

Shairazi Saidin said...

yup2..hehehehe..

r a h i m a h S u d a a said...

sedih laa post neh...menitis air mata aku..tibe2 teringat aku byk buat dosa kat ayah aku..sabar shai..be strong..

Shairazi Saidin said...

iera: jgn sedey2, aku ok je, sementara masih ada masa dan kesempatan, buat apa ko rasa terbaik untuk daddy dan diri ko......cinta dia gile2 la weyh b4 dia pergi...

WAFDA said...

salam.hr nie je.aku dititipkan due kisah mengenai soerang ayah. satu. kisah ko nie. aku sedih.aku hiba. due. final assingment english td. seriously. tersentuh hati aku sbgi seorang anak yg aku rase aku sgt jauh dgn ayah aku.tp pandai plak minta duit bila perlu. teringt tyme aku wish ayah aku besday dye thn lepas. dn aku mnta maaf sbb aku bnyk buat salah. ayah aku balas msg aku weyh.ven lmbt.aku dan2 terus nanges. sbb kata-kata seorang ayah yg meniupkan ksih syg dia kat anak dia nie...abi.sy sayang abi ! xde sape boleh gantikan abi sy ! miss him so much. hargai lah ayah kita. even kita xrapat sgt. jauh disudut hati seorang ayah.ade harapan yg diharapkan drpd kita.terkadng kita jee yg xtahu...al-fatihah buat arwah pakcik saidin. [maaf la.tpjg pulak komen aku nie] :]

Shairazi Saidin said...

it's ok yok, aku paham apa yg ko rase, aku pon x rapat sangat ngan abah aku, just talk when need n kadang2 je gurau ngan dia, aku pon x banyak luang masa ngan dia coz aku dok asrama, nyesal gak dok hostel ni, huhuhu....ape2 pon, sementara dia still ada, make sure redha dia bersama ko, aku x sempat langsung nk mintak maaf and aku lg terkilan coz aku rasa dosa aku ngan abah byk sangat...hurm, nk wat camne, aku x mau pikir sangat, ape yg aku tau, benda dh jadi n x akn pernah berubah. reality is reality!

dayanaazhar:) said...

selamat berjuang di bumi Allah...dan tabahkaN HATI. beliau pasti mahu melihat kamu berjaya dan bahagia. wallahualam

Shairazi Saidin said...

yes ya! wah, nama baru...ok then! thanks for the comment. take it seriously!